Living with a Drinker

I really hated him last night and I still do today. I NEEDED him to be sober when I came home as I had a horrible shift and was told (unfairly in my opinion and that of the union rep) that I needed a disciplinary because of my absence!!! WITH  I was off last week because the Dr signed me off with a throat infection, the last time I was off was 5 MONTHS ago for one day when I told them I had a stomach upset (it was really my baby who had rotavirus but after a previous meeting where I didn't take a union rep I was told I would have a disciplinary if I had one more absence because of my kids so I said it was me who was ill) 5 MONTHS before that I was off for one day when I had to rush my middle child to hospital and I really thought I was going to lose her. So in 10 months I'd had 2 absences. Unfortunately a week before I had to rush my child to the hospital I'd had a meeting as I'd had 3 absences in less than 6mths (it was averaging out one a month) but they were all to do with my baby being ill and one when I couldn't find a babysitter and I phoned the day before to try and organise something.

According to the union all my absences due to my kids are classes as mitigating and shouldn't count towards my absence and other people have them classed as mitigating and taken off. My 2nd Absence meeting I didn't take a union rep in with me as I honestly thought I wouldn't need one as I'd had to rush my child to hospital and surely if anything was mitigating then that was. That turned out to be a big mistake as the two managers really went to town and had me in tears and that's when I was told if I had another absence due to my kids then I would have a disciplinary.

In March my youngest caught rotavirus which is a highly contagious stomach bug giving the child severe sickness and diarrhea, in fact it closed the local nursery the week earlier and my middle child couldn't attend nursery that week as her sister had it because it's that contagious. After my previous absence meeting I was too scared to say it was my baby who was ill and said I was the one who was ill. This time I had a completely different manager who looked in the book and said that all my absences due to my children were mitigating and knocked them off my record, even though they were about to expire anyway.

So yesterday I had an absence meeting and I spoke to 2 union reps who said I should be OK and what I should expect to be given. The meeting took an HOUR which is a lot longer than they usually take and 3 times I was sent out whilst the 2 managers (2 I'd never had before as both are quite new to the store) discussed my absence. In an absence meeting they're only supposed to look at my absence over the past 6mths but for some reason they decided to look at all my absence and they disagreed that my issues with my children were mitigating and they even consulted with the new personnel manager who also said it wasn't mitigating and therefore, despite the fact that in 10 months I've had 2 absences, because I'd had 4 absence meetings I have to have a disciplinary which could result in a verbal warning!!!

I really feel pissed off and I don't think my absence is that much of an issue. I've done whatever they've said in previous meetings and I've done everything I can to limit my absence. WTH do they want me to do, go to work whilst my child's at hospital and I don't know if she's living or dying, leave them home alone whilst I go to work!!! That's what it feels like they want me to do which is just stupid. My children will always come first to me and if I can't go to work then it's just tough!!! Hell they knew I had 3 small children when they took me on so they must've been aware that this could be an issue.

So anyway I had all that happen at work and I was totally pissed off and just wanted to walk out. I knew as well that when I got home he'd probably be pissed and I was right. I'd had such a shit day, that even though I'm not a big drinker I drank a whole bottle of wine that had been reduced because of the label being damaged. Hell I drank most of the bottle on the train home.

Even though I had drunk a whole bottle of wine, I was still more sober than my husband was. Of course then I was the bad guy for sending the kids to bed as they were having so much fun playing with daddy! I'm sick of having to be the bad guy all the time and I'm sick of having no support from my husband. I'm always supporting him, but he's never there when I need him.

Not long after we got together I left a job I'd done for 6yrs (thanks to someone lying about me and the managers believing that person even though she's known to be a trouble maker) I jumped before I was pushed and I came home to find hubby in the pub. That night I decided I'd had enough of him and I packed my car to leave him. Because I sent his sister a text saying goodbye (I actually got on with her at the time, I don't now) she persuaded me to go to her house and we drank a bottle of wine and I decided to forgive him and went back after he apologised. I don't regret going back cos if I hadn't I wouldn't have my gorgeous children, but that's what always happens. 9/10 whenever I need him, he's always drunk and it's always on a Friday or a Saturday night!!!

We've had words this morning, after I spent the night on the sofa again, mostly watching TV cos I couldn't sleep, and he's not really apologised but has asked why I have a disciplinary. I just feel like he doesn't care about me at all or what I'm going through. He puts his drinking before me and what kind of marriage is that.

I know I need to pray cos God is the only one who can help him change, but I'm just feeling so warn out and defeated. I take my wedding vows seriously but I am just so tired of worrying about him having money and getting drunk, especially when he is looking after the children. If anything happened to them, then they would throw the book at him. I tried to get Saturdays off work for this reason but I've been told I can't so there's no point in asking for Fridays off either.