After living with my husband for 7yrs, you might wonder why I would start writing a blog about my experiences of life with a binge drinker now. That surely after 7yrs I would be used to it.
The reason is simple, although I am aware of God's promise to help my husband deal with his drink problem, I am also aware that it won't happen overnight. My husband has to make a conscious effort NOT to drink and to find another way of dealing with problems without resorting to a can of larger. He also has to learn to stop when he has had enough, rather than waiting until he has run out of money or is passed out.
God can do miracles, but some things take a little longer and we have to have patience. God has a plan for our lives and ours is not to question why but just to ask Him for guidance and accept that everything he does for us is because He loves us.
But whilst I'm waiting for God to change my husband, I realised that I needed something now. Somewhere I could write and record my own feelings and fears, where no one would judge either of us and where I could be totally honest. A place where I can vent, cry and find healing as I bear my soul.
Just as my husband needs to find a way to deal with his problems without resorting to alcohol, I also need to find a way to deal with the feelings I have when he is drunk or out drinking.
I have no one I can talk to who won't judge, apart from my pastor, but she has her own life to live as well and I don't like keep contacting her whenever he is drunk or out drinking. I know it's what she's there for and that she wouldn't mind as she is that sort of person, but I am not. I'm a shy person except when I'm online. Online I can be who I want to be, a more confident and happy person.
So there is my reason for writing this blog, hopefully I will remember to note when he has been good and not had a drink, rather than just when he has had a drink!!